Normally, my worries the day before Thanksgiving center around everyone traveling to my house safely, the turkey being thawed and the food being good. But today, my only worry is that my emotions stay level and calm. I always tend to get hyper during holidays ... Especially this holiday. Having 24 people expected is always overwhelming but I love this meal because it always comes together with my family sitting around my table. This year with my crazy hormones, I hope that I stay calm, ask for help when I need it and don't fight with Barry. He and I just need a few days where there are no arguments.
So God - hear my prayer and keep me calm and remind me that it's all about the people who sit at my table...not what the table looks like nor the food that is prepared.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
Realization
Today marks the day that I have realization as to just how much of an impact that Menopause is going to have on my life...at least for awhile. A few days ago, while crying to my best friend Jenna about how depressed I was, how I wasn't getting along with Barry, my husband, how my kids were driving me crazy, how I hated my job, I realized that maybe the issue was my body. When Jenna asked if I had thought about going back on anti-depressants, I said that I would never go back to them. But then I thought about when I would be back at the family doctor, where I get my annual pelvic/pap exam. It would be upcoming in a a few months.
And then it hit me. Almost two years ago after my physical and blood work, they had told me I was pre-menopausal. And then about 10 months ago, my FSH numbers indicated that I was menopausal, almost post-menopausal. Wow - at the time, I was thrilled. I hadn't had any symptoms, except some infrequent night sweats. No hot flashes..nothing. I felt lucky that I was going to get through the change of life with little or no issues. Boy was I wrong!
Since then, I've gained 5-8 pounds I can't seem to take off and the night sweats and insomnia are only minor inconveniences. The mood swings are horrendous. The worst. And I don't even know how I got here. I don't remember when they got so bad - I just know that they're overwhelming. I feel like I am literally going crazy - like I can't stop myself from running and screaming and jumping over a cliff. One minute I seem myself and the next minute I've turned into the wicked witch with the snap of someone else's fingers. And ruining my marriage and my son's teens years. Imagine - a 14-year-old teenager and a control freak, menopausal woman in the same house! No wonder my husband is fed up! I'm not sure the two of us will make it through this phase of my life - despite that we promised in sickness and in health.
So begins this journey. A phone call to the family doctor educates me that hormone therapy isn't an option. So right now he suggested herbal treatments. Two days ago I started Estavin and Ginseng. Today I added St John's Wort. From everything I've read, it will be at least 30 days to help. Until then, I'm hoping my husband and son stay patient and I don't go too crazy.
And then it hit me. Almost two years ago after my physical and blood work, they had told me I was pre-menopausal. And then about 10 months ago, my FSH numbers indicated that I was menopausal, almost post-menopausal. Wow - at the time, I was thrilled. I hadn't had any symptoms, except some infrequent night sweats. No hot flashes..nothing. I felt lucky that I was going to get through the change of life with little or no issues. Boy was I wrong!
Since then, I've gained 5-8 pounds I can't seem to take off and the night sweats and insomnia are only minor inconveniences. The mood swings are horrendous. The worst. And I don't even know how I got here. I don't remember when they got so bad - I just know that they're overwhelming. I feel like I am literally going crazy - like I can't stop myself from running and screaming and jumping over a cliff. One minute I seem myself and the next minute I've turned into the wicked witch with the snap of someone else's fingers. And ruining my marriage and my son's teens years. Imagine - a 14-year-old teenager and a control freak, menopausal woman in the same house! No wonder my husband is fed up! I'm not sure the two of us will make it through this phase of my life - despite that we promised in sickness and in health.
So begins this journey. A phone call to the family doctor educates me that hormone therapy isn't an option. So right now he suggested herbal treatments. Two days ago I started Estavin and Ginseng. Today I added St John's Wort. From everything I've read, it will be at least 30 days to help. Until then, I'm hoping my husband and son stay patient and I don't go too crazy.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)